Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Low.

I haven't felt this low in awhile.
The commission well seems to have dried up.
The local job market isn't biting.
It's just a few more months before I'll be back there again, a credit under where I'd have liked to have been because of insurmountable Summer tuitions, which hopefully won't hold me back any more than an extra course next year.
And, come September, then can resume their mission to diminish me further, and I'll resume their fucking eggshell dance.
There are options, but something is holding me back.
I don't know what.
I need a nap. Or a hug. Or something.
I don't know.
Speaking of naps, my sleep schedule continues to make me its bitch. It seems so unobtainable during the late and uncomfortable hours of a dark planet with no people, and yet during the day it's like I'm a husk of a human being. Where did my surplus of energy go? It flits in and out to spite me.
I don't know what to do anymore. Why is it always like this?
With at least one less worry of stale ice cream cones- no ice cream, just the cone- for my dinner, I still feel trapped.
I would kill for a haircut.
I would kill to not have to look at this faded brown hair, anymore.
I want to do more.
Not really,
I just want to vanish right now.

At least I'm not horrendously lonely?