I have some strange dreams.

Rocketman!

I just wanted to bring some attention to my little turtle! I think he's lovely. ♥

Even though I'm broke,

Right at this moment

Cannolis and coffee are

All I really want.

What's with me, lately?

I stress about my diet,

But then crave junk food...

I tend to binge with

No worry of consequence

After being good.

Why does it happen?

I really need to be more

Consistent with this.

Summer?

I'm getting some important things done lately, but I'm also trying to enjoy my break! It's a tough balance to achieve, but since I want to stay productive without robbing myself of my Summer vacation...

...This is how I wrote my resume.

Looks tough, I know.

So tough.

After I'd done my work and earned it, I went for a swim. ♥

I haven't gone swimming in a really long time...
Well, that's actually not true. I went swimming at a friend's when I was in Florida! But I wore a large top and some bathing suit bottoms that time, so it's not like I was wearing a bathing suit...

This time I had one in my drawer, so there was no excuse.

I'm not used to being that exposed. At all. Hell, I rarely wear sleeveless tops when I'm out and go with long sleeves if weather permits. I've gotten a lot better about it; There was a time that I would wear a jacket everyday in spite of the Florida heat during high school. Even more recently I've been teased about my arms by some guy who was supposed to be a friend (because people can be terrible - are my arms that bad? I should say not) and it makes me think that people must be thinking things to themselves about my appearance and only the worst of people will up and say it. This was completely different from my departure from long sleeves and jackets, this was a bathing suit. I know people do it everyday, but this was scary!

"I look fine! People do this everyday and I'm no different and just as pretty as any other girl!"

"No, I'm disgusting and nobody wants to see this and everyone's going to be staring at me."

"No, there's definitely nothing to be ashamed of! Hiding away like this is just letting them win and confirming that people should feel ugly like this!"

"Yes, but not going at all saves the shame of being an object of disgust."

I went back and forth in my head about this for awhile...

Eventually, I'd decided that I'd worked hard and deserved to go swimming and have fun!
I was pretty scared at first. There were lots of other girls in bikinis and while mine was a 2-piece that covered most of my torso, my back was still exposed, not to mention my arms. They were all perfectly comfortable lounging around like that. Why wasn't I? Were they in on some secret that I wasn't? Were they really that much better than I am?

As long as I had this defeatist attitude about me, they were. I was my own undoing here, I wanted to go swimming. If I didn't, I'd be cheating myself out of a fun day, right?

I wore my bathing suit. I went swimming. I had a nice time. And, most importantly...

Nothing bad happened.

The End. ♥

Brings flowers.

When looking for something else, I found some photos on my phone that I don't recall taking:

The sunrise. It's pretty!

Apparently I never bothered with any filters, either...

Chemtrails, over my house? Awesome.

This photo doesn't look accidental but I can't figure out why I'd take a picture of my wall...

At some point, though, in between whenever this was taken and when I actually woke up...

...Rain started.

I was thinking yesterday how I wished I could just look out my window and see rain pouring down... It's funny how different the world seems when it's raining. Why is that? It's really no different, other than some falling water, but suddenly, it's as if everything outdoors becomes an obstacle course. Even if you walk outside without a hood or umbrella as if it doesn't matter, it still affects you.

Lately on days like this, I've been feeling sad... If rainy Summer days are doing me in, then I'm really not looking forward to Winter.

However, today doesn't seem so terrible!
I'll do my best to keep today feeling positive.

In response to being asked what it is that I've been up to...

"Finished the big commission, so now I can get back to work. :D"
"...I just read that (over)."
"Oh, my life."

The semester is finally over.
I've had about a week to relax.
I even took the weekend in Florida to see my mother!

But still, somehow, I feel like I'm still going at full-speed. Why hasn't my brain settled into Summer? It isn't necessarily a bad thing, since productivity is important, but I'm a little overwhelmed!

I do it to myself, of course.

Regardless, it's been so much fun in a crazed sort of way.

Somehow, the food in Sarasota is always so good. ♥ 

Food here is pretty hit-or-miss, but it's rare to come across flat-out BAD food in SRQ and great food is a pretty common thing! I do miss that...

Look how cute this is! Even the logo is adorable, isn't it?

Met with an old friend! ♥ We caught From Up On Poppy Hill. I never thought a Miyazaki film could leave a weird taste in my mouth, but what do you know...

You're moving so so so far away! I'm so happy for you, but I'm going to miss hanging out during visits a lot!

Really truly, good luck in London. 

Oh! Mother's Day was on Sunday, here!

I spent it with my mother, which was a really nice surprise! The trip to Florida was really impromptu, so I'm so happy it was able to take place. My mother's doing better than she's seemed in ages! It's really great to see.

Mother's Day lunch...

...led to dessert.

I really haven't been doing well on my diet and want to get back to it... So mom, why are you pushing sweets on me? Hahahaha.

Oh, also!

Chocolate cake! ♥

When I arrived at her house, it was just waiting there.

It was sooo good. Of all of the times she's made this cake, this was definitely one of the best...

Thank you so much. ♥

On Sunday, we spent the morning looking at old photo albums.

It was super nostalgic, and led to reconnecting with some old friends!
I can't think of a better way to have spent the day.

Everything that was once so neatly organised in this place has become so fragmented.

You know, I'm pretty OK with this. I've left it behind too, right?

Even though I normally hop at the opportunity to get out of this town for any amount of time, and even though I had the option of extending my stay in Florida, I think it was fulfilling enough a weekend that I'm satisfied with leaving after only three full days.

Why is this? I'm not entirely sure enough that I can put my finger on it, but...

I want to restructure things more positively.

I still want to bulldoze my path, and that's good! It's a constant since I've arrived and I'm actually pretty relieved that I haven't lost that in me.

I think I've finally managed to shed the tics from my skin and I want to keep going onwards.
If I have to be here to do that, that's OK.

I don't need to keep looking back through the car seat windows.

At least it's always a nice place to visit, huh? Of all places I could have to go back to, this one is really rather nice. In a weird way, I adore it.

Still, in spite of this fun weekend, I've still been working, still have more to do, still have more that I WANT to do.

More importantly, I have things that I need to do.

In anticipating and keeping up with these things, I really can't seem to fool myself into thinking that I've caught a break.

Excuse me, but I just have to explode.

I'l be brand new,
brand new, tomorrow.
A little bit tired, but brand new.

This is the most delightful thing I've heard all week:

"People have opinions like they have buttholes, and at one time or another, they stink."

Oddly, I find this reassuring.
Thanks, to the person who imparted it unto me.